Dogs can chew through metal, Psalm 139, and other epiphanies

It's Friday morning, seven AM. Mike has just gone down the stairs to get some breakfast so I settle back into the pillows.

I am thinking about epiphanies. I remember hearing that word used for the first time in conversation in Mrs. Heller's eleventh grade English Class at Easton Area High School. James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist. The Artist had an epiphany. What an absolute joy it is to have a brain and to be able to think things out and understand concepts at a profound level.

I experienced one yesterday regarding trusting God.

I have been worried I am not doing enough, doing things right, etc. remember? Silly me, now this all seems so silly. How could I ever be light hearted if I am worrying so much?

I have handed my life over to God, so I simply keep my eyes on Him and He will show me how to do just what HE wants me to do. He knows far more about what is good for me than anyone does. He will lead me to the activities He wants me in, the friends He wants me to be with, the decisions that lead me down His path. Why am I worried?

An Epiphany to me in that this concept traveled from my brain into my heart, so now I will incorporate it into my life. It will be part of my Operations System. I can't say I won't slip back and grab some issues back from God (as if HE can't take care of them but I can?)... God allowed me to see another step down the path. Thank you!

It was a pleasant moment, talking with God, resting.

Then Mike shouts up the stairway," Sara, you gotta see this. There's blood all over." Well, those are the very words that will get anyone to jump out of bed and run down the stairs. Fast.

Not Sporty, but her crate.

Sporty, our eight year old basset hound, sleeps in a metal crate in our exercise room, which is right off the living room and office. She goes in there every night to sleep, it's a slow walk into the crate, but she goes in willingly. During thunderstorms we have sometimes found her in her crate during the day.

Last night she chewed her way out of her metal crate. Thin metal bars on her crate.  She has slept in there happily for years. But last night something compelled her to get out. Chew the metal until it broke, then she squeezed through the five inch high hole, which was about a foot off the ground. The crate was intact except for the four bars she removed. Snapped the metal with her teeth. Jumped out. Houdini would be proud.

Sporty was pacing around this morning, seemingly not very injured, but scared. Tail between the legs. Hiding in the kitchen pantry, then coming out and pacing again. She had vivid red bruises on her abdomen, and scratches all over her face and paws. Her shoulder stitches (one month ago she had a small tumor taken out) were fine. Phew on that one. She wouldn't let me open her mouth. Looking around the exercise room at the quantity of blood on the floor, I saw an entire canine tooth all alone. Oh no...

As much as I am the alpha dog, I am not going to pry open her mouth when she growls at me on touching it.

So I gave her some chicken broth, washed off some of the blood on her coat while she drank, and she laid down on my bed with me for another hour. Once the vet's office opened, I took her in. After x-rays and ultrasounds, we found out she had lost two teeth, and had broken off two more at the gum line. Didn't look like any other damage other than bruises and muscle strains. They took out the two roots and she came home at four that afternoon. Double phew...

I know what happened. I am horrified thinking of this. I can think of no other scenario. Thursday afternoon I was napping in the living room and heard one CHEEP of a smoke detector. Only one. We looked at the smoke detectors on the half of the house where I heard it, and they all (eight of them) had green indicator lights, meaning their batteries were okay. Didn't hear it again all Thursday afternoon or evening, and we were in the living room all afternoon and into the evening.

Today after coming home from the vet, I sat in the exercise room (where Sporty's crate is) for at least a half hour looking at the blood and the crate, trying to figure out why she chewed her way out. Sporty was in the hall, looking in at me. She wouldn't come back in the room yet, but she was looking in to see what I was going to do. I heard a CHEEP from above me. Oh no, it was the smoke detector in the exercise room low on battery, the indicator light was still green, but it was CHEEPing about every thirty minutes. I know dogs hear sounds more intensely than we do, so this CHEEP every half hour or so must have scared her enough to chew to escape the crate even though she was hurting her teeth and bruising her stomach. When it CHEEPed, she jumped up and left the hall. Amazing. My heart ached for her.

When you are not feeling good physically, or you are tired or upset, handling a new uncertainty is tough. I was already still very tired from Sunday and Monday, my right arm shoulder and elbow ache, I was awake at 5 AM. And I'm getting sunburned you-know-where. Pure aloe vera is all I am allowed to put on, so I bought several small aloe plants.

When I was with Sporty Friday morning lying on my bed, trying to figure out how badly she was injured and what to do, I was shaken. How could I have let this happen? You think that when you are responsible for someone else, pets or kids. What should I do to help her?  Is she going to be alright? Why is this happening, I don't want to stress out and worry, but I want to help her as best I can.

I remembered the Epiphany I was thinking about earlier that morning. God has everything under control, He knows the answers and He knows the best decisions to make. In EVERY SINGLE part of my life, including Sporty's health. Relax, lean into Him. He will make the path to follow clear to me, one step at a time.  Trust that He will guide us and get Sporty healed.

I have been reading Psalm 139 mornings lately, and listen to this verse. It is David talking to God.
(I have most of the Psalm pasted into the end of this entry.)

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. 

The path in front of me is in darkness. I don't know the future. I can't see ahead that far.

Don't worry, because nothing is obscured in darkness to God, He sees the best path for me to follow with Sporty. He sees my own path in full daylight also. Just let Him show me.

That's why I laid down and rested with Sporty some. I wanted to calm her, and me. She seemed to not be in immediate danger, and was peaceful lapping chicken broth and then peaceful laying next to me. I wanted to pray about how to proceed, and focus again on God. I wanted Him to shine light on the path. I have learned that sometimes I need to be still and listen to Him.

Today she is doing well. Even last night she went into the room where her crate used to be at bedtime, not traumatized. Today she has had mashed potatoes mixed with her dog food, all made mushy with chicken broth and blended to be smooth. She's had a walk and naps peacefully with me. It's college football all afternoon anyway!

I was so tired last night.

Imagine someone going through radiation with little kids at home. Or without a steadfast spouse. She doesn't have enough money this week to buy healthy food to help her body heal. Or she's working to make money, but is so tired that it's take-out every night.  Loaded with sodium so your swollen ankles and arms stay swollen. Then this happens to your dog, you pay $535 to the vet because of a smoke detectors. 

I am so lucky...

I am so blessed....

THANK YOU LORD!
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Psalm 139

 ¹ You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.

⁵ You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,  too lofty for me to attain. 

 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,  if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;  the night will shine like the day,  

for darkness is as light to you. 

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,  they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you. 

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;   test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,  and lead me in the way everlasting.

Every day is more beautiful

Every day is more beautiful than the previous one.

Played Scrabble with friends, mall walked, talked, cooked, went out to dinner. My strength increased. Joints still ache, port still uncomfortable, and I am so strangely tired. When I am up and around I am feeling so good. Then I go home, lie on the sofa and my eyes close.

Sporty is better, the wound is only open slightly. I got her kid sized t-shirts and she wears two at a time, so when she scratches the stitches don't get bothered. The things we have to figure out! Don't you agree that basset hounds are unusually shaped animals.

Friday was full of friends. How I love days like that. B came to visit in the morning.  She had breast cancer oh ten years ago. Now she is one of those people who, when you come in touch with them, you are surrounded by light and acceptance and curiosity about life. We talked about feeding the soul. Deliberately seeking out holy places and putting yourself in situations where your soul is nurtured. Think about that.

We all are mind, body and soul. We spend several hours daily taking care of and improving our body, which is good, eating, exercising, dressing, grooming.

We spend hours daily enriching or stimulating our mind, I would say. Reading newspapers, books, magazines, discussing politics, watching television, conversations.

How much time each day do I spend restoring and feeding my soul? Much less time spent each day on my soul than on my mind and body. Definitely.

And which of these three is going to last forever? My soul.

This begs the question, are my priorities how I want them to be? Not asked in an accusatory voice. Asked in a reflective voice.

Then to Booklunch, called the Lucky 13 (even though there are 14 of us), in our twenty-first year. So comfortable to be amongst this group. It has a personality all its own after 21 years. The book was Colum McCann's Let the Great World Spin. Hearing others' opinions on something I've read always opens up my eyes. The two main characters Corrigan and Jazzlyn reflect the Twin Towers in NYC, I never would have seen that. And they never talk about themselves, we know about them through others' stories. All tied together by the August 7, 1974 act of French funambulist Phillippe Petit. Do you know what a funambulist is? Well I didn't either a week ago. It's a fancy way of saying he's a tight rope walker.

Here's a good quote from the book:

What Corrigan wanted was a fully believable God, one you could find in the grime of the everyday. The comfort he got from the hard, cold truth – the filth, the war, the poverty – was that life could be capable of small beauties. He wasn’t interested in the glorious tales of the afterlife or the notions of a honey-soaked heaven. To him that was a dressing room for hell. Rather he consoled himself with the fact that, in the real world, when he looked closely into the darkness he might find the presence of a light, damaged and bruised, but a little light all the same.

Yes, there is light in the darkness. Every day is capable of small beauties. I need to look, intending to see them.

Had a conversation about resentment. Why do we resent someone? It is such an ugly emotion. No one wants to resent another, it just bubbles up unexpected, when you least want it to. L said maybe because we are wounded in just that area, and wish we weren't. Another L said maybe because our cup isn't full and we think theirs is. I think it has to do with both. When I feel God's unconditional love pouring down on me, I resent nothing. Notice that is FEEL, not just know. And resentment can show me clearly something I need to work on in my life.

We talked about so much, profound and light. What are we all thinking for Christmas gifts? What do we do when we are awake at night reciting our fears?

J says she keeps telling herself, Give them to God. And she does. Every time she fears, she gives it to God.

My fear that bubbles up now, did I do enough? Have I been redirected enough? Have I changed what needs to be changed, enough? B says immediately, " Don't be so hard on yourself!"

Then home to nap, and dinner with friends. Laughing and laughing and laughing. It was worth staying up!

And today, walking in the glorious sunshine. Lunch with Dad. College football on the back porch with blankets, with Mike. Does it get much better?

Radiation starts Monday. More sunshine.

No hay mal que por bien no venga.

No hay mal que por bien no venga.

There is not bad from which good doesn't come.
(I do not speak Spanish, but a friend told me this Friday.)

I think we all believe this, but we want to hurry up the second part of the sentence. We loose patience when the good comes far removed in time from the bad. God has His own timing. Good will come when it comes.

All things happen for good for those who love God, Romans 8. Again, it is the timing issue. We have to be patient. It doesn't say that bad things don't happen. Or disappointments or tough times. It says, be patient. Good will follow.

I was in Target years ago, searching shelves for a particular item and I entered an aisle with two Target employees stocking shelves. I overheard their conversation, they were talking about all the tough things that were happening to one of them. Family member ill, not enough money, car broken down. The one said, "That is so sad, that is just so sad." The other replied, "Well I figure that right now, I am between blessings. Yes, the Lord is preparing to bless me, I just have to wait." Isn't that a cool way to look at your life?

How many times have you, months or years later, looked back on something you thought was a really tough thing, and seen good come from it. Sometimes we can see it right away, sometimes months or years later. The good doesn't take away the bad, it gives significance to the moment.
Right now, I am on the end of two days of not being peaceful, and not trusting in God.  Our darling basset hound Sporty had complications with her surgery (not her fault at all). She had a marble-sized growth taken off her shoulder Monday. It swelled up afterward. HUGE. She is a stubborn princess and doesn't like the bandages or stitches, so she tears off the bandages immediately, rubs the stitches against the floor, licks and scratches them. She popped the stitches three times (the incision is at four inches long.)  She's been back into the vet three times to be resown. Finally Saturday morning after the latest restitching, I fashioned a t-shirt, sewn and tied to prevent her from getting at them. By now I want to watch her constantly, because she still wants to rub them.

Why did they not suggest this the first time? Just like in chemo or radiation, why didn't they give me the tips beforehand?  You have to think for yourself, find your own way.

So I sit with her. It is resting, but not quite as restorative when you keep your ear open for her scratching. And last night, oh my, she started whining and banging her crate at 4:45 AM. I was thankfully sleeping right near so I can go in right away, she got her good leg caught up in the t-shirt. Wardrobe malfunction!  She and I go out into the living room, settle into our respective sofas. Mike takes over about 6 AM, just like the days of a baby with an earache.

Saturday I was so anxious about her not opening them up again, I couldn't settle down. I kept watching her, kept improving on the t-shirt (she looks like a little Casper the friendly Ghost, perfect for Halloween, eh?).

Dad came over here for lunch. Dad's best friend at the Towers broke his hip and is bed ridden. More sadness.

I was feeling terrible for her, for me, for everyone. The feeling of responsibility for her. I was so tired, and couldn't figure out how to make it so she didn't open up the stitches. I was all she had, the poor girl. And I was failing her miserably!

News flash: it is definitely easier to see the good and to not worry if you are well rested and physically feeling good. When you are tired and aching, it's definitely harder to be calm and look on the bright side. I think that is why I failed in the calm, peaceful department Saturday. I was Anxious with a capital A. And I am still a little bit edgy about her today.

Which reminds me to always always always remember, that everyone you come in touch with has some little part of their heart that has a tear in it. So treat everyone gently. 

L just said, there are earth mothers and there are rainbow mothers. Earth mothers dig in the sand with you, get their hands dirty, cook for you. Rainbow mothers see the vision with you, teach you to celebrate. How nice to be a little of each; I am sure we are all a little of each. I think I am more an earth mother, even for Sporty.

Off to meditate, nap, and then come the trick or treaters! We are joining our neighbors in the cul-de-sac, literally sitting in lawn chairs on the street, with Chicken Chili, ciabatta, fire pit, and candy galore.

What good is coming of Sporty's ordeal? I don't know yet. Compassion growing in me?  She's my sleep buddy. My sizzle sister. And we will heal together.