Day After Christmas

I have always loved the Day After Christmas. Everything is quite, everyone is peaceful, everyone feels loved. The decorations are still up, Christmas Carols are still appropriate, the refrigerator is FULL of leftovers. Good leftovers. There are absolutely no expectations of what anyone should do.

Radiology was closed Christmas Eve (Friday) so I have three days of no treatments. The last TWO are Monday and Tuesday. Good timing, as I have blistering under my arm (node removal area) and under my boob (chafing.) I am still applying lavender oil and aloe plant aloe twice a day, and wearing the barely there sports bra. I am really pleased at how little skin is burned. Really pleased, and it is so temporary. As you can imagine, I didn't feel like dressing fancy for Christmas, this is a relaxed Christmas for our family.

Christmas Eve we went out to Del Friscos, a local steakhouse. Delicious steak and shrimp and onion rings and Mandarin Cake, high energy atmosphere. A hit with all. We brought a gift for Mack, Tray and Corey to open up at the table. Yes, we had ALL THE KIDS here with us this Christmas, there's the best gift of all. With dessert they opened up their boxes, which each held a Santa Hat. Inside the hats were tickets to the Orlando Magic basketball game at 2:30 Christmas afternoon. They were so surprised and shocked and thrilled. This is hard to do for twenty five to thirty year old kids, but it worked! Did they suspect that this was really a gift to me, of four hours of nap time Christmas afternoon? HA!

Christmas Eve service is magical. Best part, everyone holding their candle aloft, lit from one candle up front, singing Silent Night. Good thought, as we extinguished our candles the pastor told us May the light of God in your hearts continue burning, and may that light shine before men that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5).


Light and love.  That pretty much sums Christmas up.


Christmas morning we picked up Pop-Pop, ate some breakfast, opened gifts. How fun it that? Everyone thinking about the other. Stories behind many.  The family left for Magic game, I plopped on the sofa, exhausted. That profound tired. 

Watched EAT LOVE PRAY. I started crying when she was in India. I remember now the moment, Julia Roberts is on the roof with the Texan. He has just told her his story, and he walks off. She was replaying her wedding dance in her mind. Instead of the song they chose together, her husband had them play Celebrate Good Times, and he danced around her. Hmmm. Indicative of their (failed) marriage, he changed with the wind, and didn't consider her needs. She felt invisible, morphed into him. At that moment in the movie, on the roof in India, she is forgiving him. And working on forgiving herself. The Texan says, Do the work, forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself. This is amazingly more difficult to do than you think.
Voices, noise, dogs running in circles, doors shutting. They are home.  I'm up now. Couldn't put on anything fancy, just cotton pants and stretchy shirt. Black stretchy shirt, every woman's secret item. The best sporting event she's ever attended, says Tray.  Turn on Christmas carols, five CD's all set to go. Turkey is in the top oven, stuffing in the bottom one. Just made gravy, with thyme and white wine. Mack remembers T-shirt that said Homonyms are a reel waist of thyme.  Salad is organized. Purchased a mocha Buche de Noel from great French bakery in town, The Croissant Gourmet. That's all the prep I did.  Put out the cheese ball (a gift) and crackers. 

The M's arrive, friends from college thirty two years ago who now live in town.  How cool is that? They brought vegetables and appetizers and rolls. And energy. Two of their kids are in college, so kids and adults are all chatting, in the kitchen. They set the table, bring in chairs, put in the leaf because I miscounted.  Oops! 


Last Christmas we had twenty two, because I wanted to have love and energy so I wouldn't miss Tray and Mack so much. They are married and I know we have to share them with her family. I know that.  Anyway, we had every bring one thing last year to share at dinner that reflected Christmas, such as poem, song, verses. 



This year, thanks to a Tuesday lunch discussion, we all opted for a different route. Everyone was to present a word, ONE WORD, that to them was the word for the coming year. Leaning towards an adjective, but not necessary. Would have been interesting had anyone chosen an article or a preposition. HA! Oh my goodness, it was so cool. I truly thank everyone at the table for this. A new Christmas tradition. Are you wondering what they are? 


Mack - EDUCATIONAL. set on path for higher degree, wife chosen new field. 
S - CHERISH. junior in college, knows this time and relationships are precious.
B - ADVENTURE. year of newness, new places, new structure, new events. zest for stretching. 
A - REALITY. senior in college, next chapter in life, open arms for where, what, who God will bring.
Mike - NORMALCY. as in Calvin Coolidge's "Return to" after WWI. proactive not reactive.
Corey - GENESIS. new beginnings for whole family. he's choosing new field.
Tray - CARING. for husband, in career, for family. 
C - EFFORT. in school, in life, in faith. a chance to step it up. 
C - EVOLUTION. adapting to life events, for the better. redirection.
Doug - CLAIRE. remembering the love of his life.
Sara - VIBRANT. full of life and light and love and health, spilling out on others. 


Looking back on the two days of Christmas, sharing these words at the dinner table was my favorite moment. A moment of hope and future, and a moment of love for each other. Thank you dear hearts.

Think, what was your favorite moment of this Christmas?

1 Cor 13 for Christmas

So many are right now going through tough times, surgery or financial tightness or loosing loved ones, or the realization that this body won't last forever. I think we all get the meaning of this re-written familiar passage. When I read it, I saw she put into words what I think, but she says it so much better than I...

 

1 Corinthians 13 ... Christmas Style By Sharon Jaynes

 If I decorate my house perfectly with lovely plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights, and shiny glass balls, but do not show love to my family – I’m just another decorator.  If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals, and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family – I’m just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family – it profits me nothing.  If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties, and sing in the choir’s cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

 Love stops the cooking to hug the child.  Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.  Love is kind, though harried and tired.  Love doesn’t envy another home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.  Love doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of your way.  Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

Love never fails.

Video games will break; pearl necklaces will be lost; golf clubs will rust.  But giving the gift of love will endure.

Sharpies Again

Thursday morning I woke up, couldn't lift my head off the pillow. You have probably had this happen, the massage guy called it a "stinger". It is a mad inflamed muscle that is pinching a nerve, and it is temporary. Happened while I was sleeping, just turned the wrong way during the night I guess. It only hurts when you move a certain way. But OH MAMMA it hurts when you do move a certain way. Mine was from the spine around the left central shoulder blade and up into my neck to behind my ear. The trapezius muscle.

This was the day of the BOOST calibration, where I need to lie still with my arms stretched out over my head for, oh, forty five minutes, not the normal ten to fifteen. My arms usually fall asleep in the ten minutes. I just couldn't picture longer today. Phooey, but oh well. I was really upset for the first five minutes I felt this pain. I thought, oh my what if I can't have the BOOST today? Then I realized, it will all work out. God knows how to handle this, and I need to take His direction. Trust Him to heal this, and to guide me what to do.

I asked Corey to drive me, as driving wasn't going to happen.  His last final was Monday, so he is available. Took a hot shower, then Advil. By 9:30 I was ready to brave it. And it was fine. The new position is fine, similar to the first twenty five treatments as I am lying down on  my back, arms stretched as flat as I can do it over my head. My head is turned to the right, which was the way I COULD turn my head. It all worked out.

The new BOOST radiations are four treatments each visit, twenty four to twenty nine seconds each. They still do two x-rays when I first lie down, the doctor looks at them and they shift the table slightly each time to get the target accurate ( called IMRT). Now the Trilogy machine does four stops in its orbit from above my right shoulder to below my left shoulder. I lay still and listen to the Christmas Carols.

Guess how they marked me for this BOOST calibration. Out came the Sharpies again. Am I the only one that finds this ironic? Multi-million dollar Trilogy machine, highly paid doctor and technicians, and they use Sharpies to make three X's and two lines so they can line me up the same way each BOOST treatment. They said they usually tattoo these also, but they thought I could be careful enough to not wash or scrub these Sharpie marks. OH YES, because those tattoos hurt, and one of the X's is right on the nipple. Yee - ow!

Only six more to go, WHO-HOO. I'm getting more sunburned and swollen. No bra, couldn't even think of it. Have my Barely There's and loose fitting shirts. By Friday night, I am tired.

Saturday I woke up, felt like starting a little Christmas Cookie magic, and was exhausted after an hour. EXHAUSTED.

I slept all afternoon. 

So we skipped the Christmas party Saturday night, which was really frustrating as I LOVE going to this one.  I know so many of the people.  There's always next year.

I am able to feel energetic for a few hours at a time, then I crash. Then energetic again. And crash. I don't seem to have any half speed about me. That might be my personality.

Today I took Dad to lunch and Christmas shopping, for things for him to give the folks on his list. He's a jolly seventy nine years old, has had a couple of health issues but keeps on going. Strokes have slowed his mental acuity. He still has a lively sense of humor. He drinks milk at every meal. Maybe that's the secret?

I have been so so lucky to not get sick during radiation treatment. My white blood cells have been below normal since the second week. I have tried tried tried to avoid crowds, and wash my hands constantly. THANK YOU Lord that I am healthy, just tired and sunburned.

The neck muscle is just a little sore now, the pain has diminished continually since Thursday morning. And my other muscle aches that were plaguing me for the past two months have diminished continually also.

I have been resting when my body tells me. Drinking lemon juice in water daily (one lemon's worth per day), yogurt every day, yoga two to three times a week (mainly stretching, we are just starting out), and acupuncture every two weeks. Meditation every afternoon. Love that.

I am trying to modulate my expectations of Christmas this year. All our kids (two sons and daughter in law) will be here for ten days, which is the DREAM of my DREAMS. I want to be healthy and be able to pace my self so I can enjoy times together, and then come and rest. That's the hard part, I don't want to leave the fun or neglect a chore to take a nap. I am a nut about Christmas.

SO this Christmas, more than ever, let me remember what Christmas is really all about. Love.
More than Valentines Day could ever be, Christmas starts and ends in LOVE.

I'll buy Christmas Dinner dessert and I'll skip the party, so I be still and absorb God's love.
May it spill over to those around me.

Freeze the onions, peppers and sausage

Today I have nothing outside the house until 11:30. I have an endocrinologist appointment then, and afterward the longer radiation appointment where they calibrate for the last eight treatments, called the BOOST.  They are more concentrated radiation, focused right on the spot where the tumor was in my breast. Don't know if they target the node which had a tumor, I will ask.

I am in the alternate bra stage, barely there bra. A light sunburn, the most uncomfortable is the skin underneath the breast where the bra hits, and the armpit where the bra hits. But just uncomfortable. And I am positive the achy and tendon soreness is getting better. It doesn't wake me up in the night aching, YEAH!!! What is a better gift than a good night's sleep.

So I have been given ninety minutes this morning. WHO-EEE!

May I make a comment on our lives, December 9th, 2010.

We are all TOO BUSY! Which makes us all STRESSED OUT!

You know it, and knowing you are juggling too many balls in the air at once adds to your STRESS. Thinking about what to say to who, about who needs what, when can you go there to get that, what to cook, what to buy, what to do!

At this age in life (50 to 60 ish) we all acknowledge we want to:
relax more
focus on friends and family
be present in the moment
laugh more
be aware of our own voice
take appropriate care of our own bodies
deepen our faith in God and our relationship with Jesus

We are beyond having busy-ness be a badge of courage, I think. We know that our value as a person depends not on what we do, but on who we are in our hearts, loved always.

Here's how I look at it. We  know where we want to be going. We can picture the person we want to be. We step on the path. Then we get distracted.

If you could see me now, you would see that I have my hand raised, yes I am the first one in line here, I get distracted., I have good intentions and I think I am pretty good at leaning on God in a crisis. But what trips me up is the day to day focus.

I LET myself get distracted. Do you think sometimes I avoid issues in my life by keeping busy? YES I know I do that.

Silly human being, say those sheep.

Getting cancer can be a redirection of your life journey, says Bernie Siegel. I agree with him. Or any disease or big event. Or you could choose to redirect your life journey just because you think about it and choose too.  MUCH easier than getting cancer now, isn't it?

Remember the verse that came to mind when I sat in the radiologist's parking lot back in April, preparing to go in to hear my biopsy results, when I prayed for something from God to hold on to through this whole journey?

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10.

From that, flows everything.

Psalm 23: He is my shepherd, restores my soul, guides me down the path.  Is with me, comforts me, nurtures me, I dwell in his house.

I don't want anyone reading this to feel WORSE about those To Do Lists. Not everything everyday makes us happy. At dinner last week I told Mike and Corey that I wanted to devote one solid day a week again to the college summer baseball league. And each May through August it would be much more. Corey asked, does that make you happy? Good question. Great question. It is an optional thing, as I volunteer. I said, no, it doesn't make me happy, but it makes me feel fulfilled.

So yes, every day I have tried to do one thing towards Christmas. It looks like a huge evergreen tree of tasks each December, so I really think, ask God, set my priorities.  Little by little the Christmas items are happy snowflakes in my life. I don't roast my own turkey, I buy one cooked at Whole Foods, as I don't want the stress of killing my family on Christmas Day with undercooked poultry. For the stuffing, I will saute the onions and peppers and sausage this week and freeze them, and I bought a jar of roasted chestnuts instead of roasting them myself.

These are little shortcuts, but they leave me time to bake Christmas cookies, watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, mall walk, get radiation, write funny tags for the family's Christmas gifts, visit my Dad, and visit friends.

I wish all of you a really joyful time preparing for Christmas. Your gifts to me will be hugs and laughter.