What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are. -C. S. Lewis.
I had the MRI, and when finished I was waiting in the hall to confirm they had faxed the other reports to the surgeons office, when the radiologist walked by and asked how I was doing. I said I was anxious to hear the results of the MRI, didn't want to wait until next week??? She said, well if you have time she'll read them now and then let me see them. That takes presence on her part. TIME TO WAIT? What possibly could I need to do that is more important at this moment that hear if I have more than the one tumor in my breasts?
So after a few minutes, in we went, read them on the big computer screens. You can see the increased blood flow at the tumor spot, and none elsewhere of significance ... SO this is surgery and radiation, not chemotherapy!!!!! I saw the blue dots, maybe 8 of them, which is a little increased blood flow from the contrast dye they injected. Then you see the green and red, which was all at the tumor site. ALL.... and of course my heart was red and some green, but that's what you want - blood in the heart.... So she carefully explained and I repeated, this is what I am hearing you say - There is no evidence of this tumor spreading beyond the one site, and specifically there is no evidence of this tumor spreading into a lymph node. Which means most most most likely no chemotherapy, definitely radiation of some sort. I will need lumpectomy or mastectomy (not decided yet), need more test results (prognostic markers test which tells us if it is of three types - estrogen fed, progesterone fed, HER 2 normal) and discussion (family history of breast, ovarian, prostate cancer). That is all for next week.
Next step, next Wednesday ( pending insurance approval goes through by then) I go to the surgeon (Dr R), next Thursday the oncologist (Dr M )..... just waiting now. ... and starting to up the healthy diet. I had 8 fruits and veggies yesterday. There's nothing like a new convert.
I am great ninety-five percent of the time still, and five percent of the time I decompose. I think that's pretty good. Maybe I could schedule the five percent decomposing time while asleep?
Being supported by family and friends... thank you.
I heard from two women who had breast cancer, met them serendipitously (P and J), that they were stage 0 same kind but they caught it earlier. I am thrilled for them and their success, but I have to tell you, it makes me feel envious and frustrated that I didn't catch this earlier. It doesn't make me feel better I can tell you that.
I am off estrogen as of Tuesday, and haven't taken progesterone either. They will tell me next week if this cancer is fueled by estrogen. If it is, then no more ever. If not, well, I decide then. How do I feel off it? I feel a little more emotional, but hey, look what I'm going through! I slept like a baby last night. That might have been the Ambien, just started that Tuesday night. There is no way I could sleep right now without medication, and a good night's sleep is so important. For the first time in my life, I am taking sleeping pills. You do what you have to.
Quick life recap - Mike's mother died seven months ago, Mike is the executor of a very tangled estate left by his mom, and the overseer of his Dad's care (advanced Alzheimer's disease) who lives in his home in Idaho. We are in Florida. Mike is currently in treatment for lymphoma. Because of this recurrence, he asked his five siblings if someone else would oversee the round the clock caregivers we just hired out in Idaho. Not one would, which was truly a surprise. Someone needs to be responsible for him. Two months ago was our older son's wedding, which was a time of non-stop abundant and extreme joy, and exhausting to plan. And Mike is at the point of finishing two projects at work he's been developing for years.
It is just not a good time to get breast cancer.
So when would be?
Right, this is the time.
Oh, you will appreciate this. Mike's fathers' Idaho house sold Monday so we have to find him something else and move him by August 1. This is actually an answer to prayer, as he is starting to stumble and his house is 2 stories with diagonal stairs and we need to simplify his life. The goal is to simplify his life, simplify our lives. Is there a choice right now? Could you say, well yes he is stumbling and but let us not move him out for another year? No, life will get simpler. It isn't simple yet. There's the prayer, simpler...
I am extremely lifted up by talking with friends.
Had to call S and Mack and Tray and had to see Mike and Corey right after the MRI results.
Then had to tell L and B and D, and S and J. And R and S.
I am noticing flowers and how beautiful they are. Got flowers from R and E. Beautiful flowers - purple irises and yellow tulips.
Got a fantastic poetry book from S. Read the first one before sleep last night- life does change and for happiness to arrive, you must have some rough spot first.
Beauty and joy in the most unexpected places.
Life is good.
