Finish Strong

Some wonderful conversations this week.

A handful of women, who didn't all know each other at first, together for lunch  (one to two hours.) All interested in encouraging and uplifting. All are "its not about me" women. Surrounding yourself with friends who nurture the good in you is so important. I like that! Then we all left, off to work, to China, to visit Dad, to nap, to grocery shop, to acupuncture, to exercise ... each to her own.

Here's a FINISH STRONG bracelet lent to me to wear for my first radiation. Pink pearls from the first chemo time, diamond bangle from wedding days in March, and Finish Strong for now, when I need it!

B commented about how she didn't know what to say to comfort a person who has just suffered a loss. I have been thinking about that. We don't often know the perfect words to say. The Spirit might give them to us, or does it really have to be the perfect words. I think the feeling of love is important. But really it is showing up that counts. The gift of being present. Just being with them, trusting that they will get from your actions and words that you love them and care for them. Realizing it is not about you but about them, loving them. What a gift and an honor to be able to open up your heart and pour out compassion and love towards someone else.

We all make mistakes, I have made a huge number of mistakes in my life. In my book, the biggest mistake is not trying. God can redeem a lot of mistakes. He can work through us even when we are bumbling along. But He has a hard time working through me if I sit at home, alone, not communicating with the world, frozen by fear of not being capable enough. Someone wiser than me said, God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. 

J said another thought is to email or text or tell the person a verse. God's words, how can my words ever top His? I know that through the past seven months, verses sent to me are treasures. This isn't my suggestion, it was J and S.

And while we are on the topic of technology, S said her son emailed her an article suggesting we all go cell phone free for half a day a week. I do that every day, park it in the mud room next to the garage and the kitchen. I check it at lunch and dinner. I don't like it ringing all the time, I can't think when I am interrupted often. But then, maybe I frustrate some people that I am not available all the time. Who knows...

Fear. Fear is on so many people's minds. How often do we search out ways to allay our worry or  fear? Fear seems to come up in conversation often these days.

My sheep, a gift from someone who listens.

I got a wonderful insight in something I read this week... when we are afraid of the future, about how something might turn out or about what will happen, we are not putting Jesus in the picture we see of the future. We should do that. He will be there. Right in the middle of it, whether it is the best case scenario or the worst outcome or somewhere in the middle. He will be there, right with us. With Him next to us, whispering in our ear that He loves us, what do we have to be afraid of? Boy, this changes my way of thinking.

I don't want to live afraid. I want to live trusting God for my future. Trusting that He will guide me in paths of righteousness and He will be a proactive guide that will bring me back to the path when I turn my head and step off. He will be there with me. He is my shepherd.

I want to live trusting that the world is good, that good things await us all. That overflowing love is in everyone's heart, including my own.  Starting with my own.

It's a beautiful day. Today and all my tomorrows.

Radiation Day 2 - Tattoos

Well, I didn't get Radiation on Monday, they needed to do another thirty minutes of planning with the computer and red laser beams and x-rays. It isn't with the machine I thought it was. And they needed to give me my five tiny dot tattoos.


I have said I would NEVER get a tattoo.
Never say never...

Tuesday was my first radiation, and today my second. It is as easy as showing up. Mike took me to the first one, which made the occasion even more peaceful and positive.

You put on a gown, walk into the huge treatment room, decorated "county Florida" and lie down on your pillow on the table. The blue triangular bolster is for under your knees. The items hanging on the clothing rack in back are pillows for each patient. They are molded to our heads and necks and arms (arms stretched out over our heads) so we get into the identical position each time. Mine is already on the table for me. The entire radiation machine comes out to me and rotates over me. The blue disk part emits the radiation. First from directly above me (for seven seconds today) and then it rotates with its two square arms to behind my left shoulder and does the second dose (for nine seconds today.)

They drew the radiation field on me on Monday. Yes, I was lying on the table while they were moving the machine and talking, I heard a click and once again the tell-tale smell of a SHARPIE. I said with a chuckle, Are you seriously going to draw on me again with a Sharpie. She said, Yes we are going to outline the radiation field and then take a photo of it. With a Canon Elph camera. I now have the outline of France on my torso. Of interest to me, they are getting the node area under my left arm as well as the left breast. They found a small 0.3 cm tumor in the sentinel node during my lumpectomy, so this gives me much encouragement that they are zapping the remaining nodal area. The cancer cells didn't just jump to the node, they were carried there by white blood cells trying to throw them out. So zap the entire area.

I have five pencil point tattoos. Getting a tattoo hurts. For five seconds each. How do people get a full portrait tattooed? It must really really hurt. These dots are for them to line up the radiation machine each time. Good idea, I am all for accuracy in radiation.

In the waiting room today, two women waiting were lying down sideways on the waiting room sofas. That is being really really tired.  So that will be me in four, five weeks.

The technicians at radiology are absolutely fantastic. Today they switched the music speakers input (which I think are actually on the radiation machine)  from Florida Hospital's soft rock to Kelly's (a technician) workout playlist from her IPOD. During my sixteen seconds of radiation I listened to MC Hammer's, Can't Touch This, while tech Chris danced. Does it get any better?

I continue to be so uplifted by friends. So much. I want to spend more time with friends. It is so fun. I have a radiation appointment every weekday, and want to continue meditating every day and spending time in quiet, some napping still going on. And there is exercise.  Oh yes and taking care of household things, Dad, stuff for Mike's family... But I want to spend time with friends! There just don't seem to be enough hours in each day, which is a good way to feel isn't it?