How has cancer changed you?

I have been asking cancer survivors I happen to be in conversation with, how has cancer changed you?

Dear friend reading this, you know that from the beginning I knew cancer would be used by God for good in my life. Redirection. I want to learn the lessons, make the changes, and live life to the fullest. I want to embrace all God has set out for me on my path.

So what were their answers? (I paraphrased some of their words)

1. Surround myself with reminders that Jesus is my Lord and King and He is in control. Wear a cross my daughter gave me, read devotionals on line, look for Him. Work with Christians. Ask where can I help others see that God is alive and working in their lives.

2. Look for people, events, places that nourish my soul.

3. Try to go to mass every day. Look for ways to inspire others.

4. Encourage others. Be God's hands to show love. And don't stress out over it, God will show me what he wants me to do. Also, be gentle on myself, enjoy every day.

5. Realize that God's timing isn't always my timing. He is in control.

6. Spend more time alone, in prayer, reading. Start my day, every day, reading the Bible and praying.

7. Surround myself with positive people, uplifting people and fun teams of people.

8. Always have accountability, usually to a Bible Study group.

9. Do something every day that is fun, that makes me laugh.

10. I have been redirected to “pay it forward” (the blessings I have received) back out into the universe in any way that I can.

11. I realized just how much I wanted to live, and the appreciation for what I still do have in my life. I will no longer sweat the small stuff and I am now determined that no matter what it will be okay.  I will make the most of everyday and appreciate everything and everyone in it no matter how small it might be. I am determined to become the positive person that I was so many years ago. I will let nothing take that from me again.

12. Cancer forced me to focus on myself, something that was not even in my vocabulary.  Yes, we all could and should walk that extra mile to help someone else in need, but not at the expense of your own health and well being.

13. I no longer say yes when I want to say no.

14.  I count my blessing each and every day.

15. I have a renewed focus on God, meditation, and journaling. I want to be sure I don’t “stuff” my feelings through this process, and stay out of fear-based thinking.

We have a plan

This has been an unsettling two days. Change is sometimes unsettling.

Getting the decision definite from Dr. M. was such an answer to prayer. I just didn't hear the decision I wanted to hear.

My brain knows I need to do one more chemo on Oct 19th. My heart is accepting this. Your words and e-mails have helped me.

One friend said I must have had a willing spirit inside me to NOT try to talk the doctor out of Chemo #6. As you all know, I can be persistent when I have my mind set on something. And if I don't agree with something, it is really really hard to keep my mouth shut and go along.

Had a lovely walk with Corey, lunch with Dad and Corey. Then took the first antibiotic, Levaquin, for the breast infection. Small potatoes. Getting smaller (HA!)

We have a plan.

We have a path.

We are walking down it.

God is my guide.

Peace at last.

Prayer works.

Set your mind on things above

Colossians 3:
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Philippians 4:
(Follows the "do not be anxious" verses)
Finally, brothers,
whatever is true,
whatever is noble,
whatever is right,
whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable—
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—

think about such things.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—
put it into practice.

And the God of peace will be with you.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Been spending a lot of time thinking. Reflecting. The life of the mind.

It's an interesting phenomenon, how each of us can distract our own attention by social activity or turning on the television. We can go through a whole day and not have very many thoughts of our own.

Wake up - IPOD's on with music. Mind is thinking of what to make for breakfast. Then boom, pick up the remote control and turn on the television. Walk into the bathroom, boom there's a second television turned on. Go into the kitchen for breakfast, pick up the newspaper, turn on the laptop, or boom, another television. The brain, and the spirit, are getting bombarded with outside thoughts and images. And how neat if you pick up your daily devotional and go to the date, read it out loud to everyone, quick prayer and run out the door to the car, where the radio goes on immediately. In your mind, you are listing the things you need to not forget to do that day.

For me, in the above scenario, I can barely hear my own thoughts.   I wouldn't be able to hear anything God was saying, even if He were yelling, so certainly not a whisper.

So now, with a much quieter, gentler pace, and we don't turn on televisions until late afternoon or evening anyway, I am hearing more of my own thoughts. I know I want to keep them positive. Sometimes it is difficult to keep your thoughts positive when you are physically hurting, or scared.

What is keeping me positive?

It is so important to me to know I have friends and family who are praying for me. Who want the best for me. Who love me. That to me is the most important thing. I draw on your faith in my healing and your love and the multitude of ways you have shown you are walking this with me. Phrases from cards and e-mails and voice mails bubble up -

-- We are not quitters
-- I don't know of anyone better to do this than you
-- Some days there won't be a song. Sing anyway!
-- Grip our Lord's hand tightly
-- Lean on God now with all your strength, He will carry you
-- Gute Besserung
-- Make no mistake about it, you will beat this!
-- This is a pothole, you can't get around it but you will plow through it.
-- We're gonna be really cool old ladies!
-- You are cared about more than you realize.

I trust God, and accept He has healed me and the process is in motion. The chemo drugs are little tornadoes that scour my body looking for and smashing to pieces any cancer cells.

I have another biopsy on Monday, which I already know God has dealt with. Please pray for me for Monday, for Dr. R who will do the biopsy, and for complete healing! THANK YOU!

Back to positive thoughts, which goes right to the phrase that hit me early on in this adventure- Feed the faith and starve the doubt. Positive thoughts. I have no appetite for crime shows on television any more. Used to love an episode of Law and Order or Numbers. Entourage and Mad Men used to be recorded and watched, but either I have changed or they have changed. I watched an episode of Entourage and it was disgusting. Mad Men is so sad and dark.

You know what I love. Seinfeld. Its a tradition now. We have dinner and maybe take our Basset Hound on a little stroll around the block. Then back to the air conditioning to read, play Scrabble or Blokus on the IPAD. Then the cup of Chamomile tea, and an episode or two of Seinfeld. I love them. Even when I know what is going to happen, they make me laugh.

I asked at lunch two weeks ago, what songs did people play to make them happy, and the winners are:

Its a Wonderful World (Louie Armstrong)
I'm Yours (Jack Johnson)
Celebrate Good Times
Can't Live Without You
For All We Know
Kokomo
Jersey Boys
Abba
Vivaldi Four Seasons
500 Miles (the Proclaimers)

As for me, what songs are my playlist of what I play when I need a boost towards the positive?

Lifesong, and Father Spirit Jesus - Casting Crowns
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Amazing - Seal
Made to Love - TobyMac
Where the Streets have no name and Beautiful Day and Magnificent - U2
Walking on Sunshine - KC
Here Comes the Sun - Beatles
On the Beach- Chris Rhea

Positive thoughts.

-- Reading Your Healing is Within You, by Jim Glennon. Mike read this over and over years ago when he was diagnosed with lymphoma. It is a book to read over and over. -I'm reading a Henri Nouwen daily devotional. And a Sarah Young devotional.

-- Hebrews 11 and 12, this has been my go-to part of the bible since high school. They all had faith. They were "in it to win it". They kept their eyes fixed on Jesus. And on our God, the consuming fire, the God whose kingdom can not be shaken.

-- Centering Prayer. Ever heard of this? Praying without words so much, listening and just being with God.

-- Funny movies. Johnny Depp's Don Juan de Marco and Benny and Joon, Somethings Gotta Give, Animal House.

-- Redirect my thoughts. Whenever a negative thought, a doubt comes across my consciousness, grab it and lift it up to Jesus. He will take it away. Then I grab onto His hand.

I know it is the Holy Spirit in me that will guide my thoughts. I pray that they always be certain on the healing issue. I pray to increase my belief in my healing. I pray to keep me focused on Jesus. I know I cannot do any of this on my own, but I can do all of it through Him.

Off to mall walk.

Making sure that all day long, I keep my mind focused on Jesus and on things above. Be in the world, but not of the world.. One day at a time!

Romans 12:
And do not be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
so that you may prove what the will of God is,
that which is
good
and acceptable
and perfect.