Listen and Cooperate

Proverbs 3: 5,6 
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

 for this sermon says, God is less interested in what we are doing than in who we are becoming. Mull that one over while you cook dinner tonight.

I used to think that there were lessons I needed to learn in events. You know, why do bad things happen to good people? Why do we fail sometimes? Then it hit me, first of all, not every event (good or bad) is about me. Maybe something happens because God is working in their lives, and I am a bystander. Secondly, I might not be learning a lesson, God might be working on my character, or refining me in a way I will never know. But He knows.

God is interested in who I am, not as much as the actions outside but the love inside.

Discerning God's Will was a question I have asked of people. HOW DO YOU KNOW GOD"S WILL. For me, He gives me peace. Not just that feeling of  "If it feels good, do it", but the peace that settles right into me, into my thoughts, my heart, my spirit. I am settled in my thoughts , in prayer, in going into the Bible. Peace is there.

I ask Mike and I ask friends (who I respect, choose who you ask carefully.)

I read the bible.

I pray.

I ask a minister (on big issues.)

But the absolute way I know a decision is what God wants is, He gives me peace. I feel settled. I think around the issue, and the negatives are not there or fade into the background verses the positives. It makes sense in light of God's strategic plan for me. I don't always have knowledge of God's will right away... but eventually it comes.

Do you start walking, and then hope you are on the right path? Or do you pray, wait until God shows you the path, then start walking? I think it is a little of both. I need to be in line and infused with God's spirit, which takes being still and looking to Him. Then I take that first step. He is so powerful that if I am wrong he will correct me. I don't want to be too still and not do anything for Him. But don't want to be too jumpy and busy and not do what He wants. It is a balance. Isn't that the answer to so many questions....

I am certain that if I choose against God's will, He loves me so much that He will somehow pick me up and put me back on the path He knows is the best one. I am also certain that it will be easier for me if I choose in line with God's will the first time.  A huge incentive to do the work on the front end.

When I know His will, I listen to it, and I try to cooperate with it.
If its not what I want to do, I ask Him to change my heart. And He will. He's awesome, isn't He?

Faith is more than believing, it is trusting

I have two thoughts.

First, Faith is more than believing, it is trusting.

Read that again.

Faith is more than believing, it is trusting.

Now, for all you English majors out there, you are so good at definitions and connotations and contemplation. For us Chemical Engineers, it takes quite awhile for verbal nuances to sink in to our brains. We are into logic and flow charts and material balances where the answers are black and white. But this phrase really hit me this week.

I was listening to a sermon on Faith by on my IPAD, and I am not sure if this was his main point, but it is what I took away from the sermon. We all think that faith is believing. But it is more, it is trusting. With every ounce of your being, your life, your things, your relationships. It is black and white.

Okay, if faith is believing, then how do you know you believe? How do I know I am healed? How do I know that God will never leave my side? I know faith is not a feeling, it is a decision. So how many times in my life do I believe God on some issue, but still go ahead and do it my way just in case.

Well, now let's think about this. If I truly had faith, I would trust God. And in comes the peace. The peace that defies understanding. Do not be anxious for anything, but present it to God and He will give you peace that passes understanding. Not because that peace is a magical wand thing, but because when you present your trouble to God, and you trust He is in charge, you just don't worry. There is no room for worry. That's where the peace comes from.

So many days I ask God for this, for that, lift this up to Him, and figure, okay now I've prayed, I can go on with my day. He's got it under control. I think He wants more from me. I think He wants me to cooperate with Him on some of the issues. Trust Him, so I know He is in control, and trust Him enough so I will listen to Him and get on board.

To be specific, I have asked God to heal me from breast cancer. I have believed He will. If you have read prior blogs, I told you I believe I will be healed and fine ninety five percent of the time. I have asked Him to show me signs of my healing, and that I will have faith that He will reveal all the healing at some point. I have seen scars from surgery heal, I have seen nausea pass, intestinal upset heal, hair fall out, hot flashes, achy bones. These are all great signs.

So how do I know I trust God is working out my healing? Because I have that peace. I know without a shred of doubt, not five percent or even one percent, that He is totally in control of my healing, and He is pulling out all the stops and there is nothing that will prevent my body from healing.

THERE'S THE SIGN, the billboard I have been waiting for. (I need billboards sometimes.) THANK YOU. I have a husband who is up to his eyeballs in crises, truly, yet I know I am his first priority. I have a friend who has put her life aside, and has been staying here at the house for this whole cycle. How awesome is that? All week I have been smiling, surrounded by loving people and soothing music and random kindnesses and prayers. Prayers that float up and are heard.

So there is my thought number one - Faith isn't just believing, it is trusting with all your heart and body and spirit and every minute of the day that what God tells you He will do, He will do. And He will give you peace every minute of the day so you don't worry about it.

What is trust? When you have your first baby, you want to go out to dinner just the two adults, and whoever you have chosen to babysit for that 2 hour time span shows up. You hand your baby into their arms. That is trust.

Thought number two - God heals, we need to cooperate. We do need to cooperate with Him, not just give Him the laundry list and say, Thanks God, and tootle off. Right now, I need to be gentle with my body while He's working out the healing. Yes He could do all this without me, but isn't part of the point that I WANT to be close to Him, so how do you get close to someone?

Work with them, walk with them, listen to them, talk to them, be with them.
It takes time. Quantity time as well as quality time.

Ramping up for Chemo # 2

Good morning all.

I am getting all ramped up for Chemo #2. How different than three weeks ago when I was high on anticipation for the first chemo. This time I am much more settled. Trying to treat my body gently, more cooperative with the whole process.  Not as scared. How easy to be scared of the unknown. I realize every chemo treatment might will be slightly different, but at least I have an idea of what will happen. Knowledge is power.

I am still in awe of how people have responded to my needs. God really provides everything you need, through friends and family. We had a weekend of giddiness with Mack, Tray, Corey and T. In the afternoons we simply sat around the television and watched the British Open (you go Shrek) and chatted. Golf is like baseball, lots of time to talk while watching it. Two evenings we went out to dinner, then came home played Catch Phrase and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Heraclitus (Greek philosopher) said, You can't step into the same river twice. Time moves forward, things change. How silly to worry about that change.

Jesus says, Do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' But seek first the kingdom and God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well".


So I am to tell Jesus my worries, and let Him provide for me. Give up control of this changing life to Him. So much easier to say than to do. Well, I will at least try. 

Some notes I wrote during a sermon this week... the sermon was titled Choose Forgiveness, but my notes rambled sideways.

1. Be still and know that I am God

2. We all need community

3. Sit back, relax, accept joy, be open to joy

4. Let God do His work, accept His healing in all parts of you

5. Be open to friends and love. Be a clay pipe not a clay jar, and let God's love flow into me and through me to others.

6. Lean on Jesus

7. Search me oh God and know my thoughts, test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139. (Finally one of he notes I took refer to the sermon) What I get out of this is, God's Holy Spirit is searching me to find where I am in need of Him, and then He shines His light on it and POOF in His mercy I am cleansed - of that sin or that habit or that anxiety... and in His time I will see the change. The momentum is all HIM.. I simply need to be open and listening and willing.

Lovely words from a friend - You are a strong passionate woman. You will do this.

Lovely words from one of the doctors - You will be a witness to others.

I've been asking fellow cancer folks - what did you visualize when you had your treatments, or your sad moments?  What comforted you?

1. Sitting on a porch swing with God rocking you

2. Pac men gobbling up the cancer cells

3. The fresh cool crisp running water of a brook in the northeast, the pure gurgling water washing me

4. The blood of Jesus cleansing my body from the toes to the tip of my head

5. The light of Jesus shining into every inch of your body, letting there be no darkness

6. Sunshine, just the warmth of sunbathing with the suns healing rays reaching into everywhere

7. The ocean's waves washing into every cell, and washing the cancer ones away.  

I am setting up to make this Chemo easier than the next, but really I will listen to my body and respond best I can. Dear S is coming down to stay here through the weekend, so I will have company all day.

When the hair fell out, I saw two what I thought were really suspicious scalp spots, so this morning, the dermatologist took both out, have two stitches each. And he told me to not do anything to get my heart rate up today, as scalp incisions bleed easily. So no exercise today... AHHHH.. we'll see how this makes the Chemo #2 go. Maybe better! Mike's been urging me to not get exhausted exercising. Hmmm.

So, please pray for the healing to continue, for the side effects to be minimal and doable, for no infections to happen, for the lymph nodes in my neck to stay small and not tender. And please pray for Mike and me, for God's peace which passes all understanding keep our hearts and minds on Jesus Christ our Lord. And for S who is willing to give up a week, to come here and be my every minute caregiver. May she have some good books to read as I sleep a lot!

May God continue to bless you, and all of us, as the days unfold

Love to you all, sara

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Here's all of Psalm 139 (from The Message)

Psalm 139, A David Psalm

1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!

23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.