I am lying by a stream. Lying on my left side on the bright green, soft grass besides a stream. Under birch trees, with filtered light.
I am on the south bank, the stream is coming from the east behind me, softly flowing. Like streams from artesian springs in Harbor Springs Michigan running into Lake Michigan, or the streams along the golf course in Sun Valley Idaho. I can reach out and touch the other side of the stream.
The water is crystal clear and cool. As the stream passes me, it makes an acute angle turn to the left, so I am lying on a V-shaped little promontory of the pasture. The water slows down below me, makes an eddy. Through the still water I can see the bottom of this little stream. It is filled with the smooth round stones of years of water, brown and golden and taupe. All sizes, all shapes.
I am really comfortable. I am completely healthy, and resting as if I just ran a few miles (this is a dream) and then plopped down here to catch my breath. My body feels strong and exercised. My head is propped up on my left arm, I am looking over towards the other side of the stream.
Jesus appears, sitting down on the bank right opposite me. In white linen robes. He is relaxed and comfortable sitting there, as if He is going to stay for awhile. Not a quick visit. He looks at me and smiles.
I am not surprised to see Him. I am happy and curious and content. As if this is a daily occurrence, that He would come to visit with me.
I go to sit up and he tells me- stay resting. So I do.
Then I think, but this is rude to not sit up while talking with Him, He is Jesus, so I go to sit up again and he says, Stay resting, I am your friend. I get the idea, this is two friends sitting on either side of a stream talking. Relaxed conversation. No rush.
A blue butterfly flits by me. On my side of the stream, stopping here and there at wildflowers. I watch it as it becomes part of our little group.
A cow walks up from the pasture behind Jesus, stops at Jesus' right shoulder. A brown and white cow, peaceful and gentle. She looks at me with those huge cow eyes. Tail flicking back and forth. I say, I would really like a sheep. Jesus continues smiling at me, and the cow continues her gentle gazing at me. I say again, Could you have this be a sheep instead of a cow, because I like sheep a lot and don't I get to choose? It stays a cow.
I try again to get up and He puts out His hand, says - Stay resting. I will do this. I will heal you. I will do the work.
I am really happy to hear this. I am certain He is in control and He will tell me if or when I need to do anything. So I will rest and listen to Him.
I tell Jesus, Why are you doing all this for me? He says, You are worth it.
I say, Why am I worth all this? He responds, Because I created you.
End of dream.
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I don't always remember my dreams. This one I remember so clearly, I remember the colors as vivid as real life in the bright noon sun. I remember the words, and the funny part where I wanted a sheep to appear and one didn't.
I am not a Jungian dream analyst. I have read some on dream analysis and symbols. Bottom line, sometimes I think about a dream I have had and it makes sense. I do look up some obvious symbols, like the butterfly in this dream. Some dreams, I have no idea what they mean.
Some back story on this one. Before going to sleep, I was talking with God about the choice for two more chemos, should I do it? I had asked God to give guidance to Dr. M to make this decision, and Dr. M says do two more. He was very clear on this. So I was saying to God, did you really give Dr. M guidance?
Why do we do this? Ask God to do something, then doubt He did it?
So I asked God for confirmation, for peace that this is the path He wants me to take with healing.
I wake up the next morning, having had this dream.
The butterfly, in dream symbols, foretells transformation / rebirth.
The cow to me symbolized motherhood. I take the cow in my dream as my mother looking on me lovingly.
Water is symbolic of emotions, and this was peaceful, clear, cleansing water.
The sheep request, I have to add, is funny. It was like watching THE OFFICE where they talk to the viewer directly once in a while. Yes, I think sheep are great. I have happy memories of seeing them all over Ireland. My favorite Psalm is 23 (the Lord is my shepherd.)
A few weeks ago, M, S and B were all in our living room, and we were talking about sheep. S and B both grew up on farms, and think they are dumb, smelly animals. They tried to convince me of this, and I tried to convince them they are intelligent, cuddly creatures. Of course, I had very little facts to support my case. It was so funny.
It doesn't matter to me, love is blind, I think they are fluffy and adorable.
In my mind, I am visualizing my body healing.
The chemo drugs are that clean, clear water washing through and taking out any cancer cells.
Then my White Blood Cells are sheep that meander through and eat any errant cancer cells.
The cancer cells look like fish eyes. The sheep (which in my imagination are fluffy and white and clean and smiling) rub against the insides of my organs and leave soothing lanolin to protect my heart, etc from damage.
This dream felt so real, so comfortable, so comforting.
He is restoring my body, He will restore my soul.
