Cried in church this morning. Cried for my mother, I miss her. I haven't cried for her in five, eight years. Cried that I didn’t want to have cancer.
It was just like sitting in Moffitt Cancer Center’s chapel whenever I took Mike over there for radiation treatments seventeen years ago for lymphoma. He was so strong and positive and just amazing to all of us around him, so when I entered the chapel I felt I could be momentarily weak and let it all out. God was right there surrounding me, ready to comfort me. After a few minutes, I could gather myself up, and walk out strong. Not crying anymore, ready to take it on, being strong and positive and open to God and loving and comforting. But I needed my cup filled, and the minutes in the chapel did it.
So this morning, I sit down in church, they are singing a hymn. And out of nowhere, I cry. Whew, didn’t see that coming at all. For a few minutes, then peace descends… I think this is our new church.
It was a great mother’s day. Lunch with Mike and Corey at Paddy O’Murphy’s. Tray and Mack sent me flowers, tulips that are gorgeous. Tennis with Corey, and Mike joined for a bit. It was a blast. Then dinner here, I cooked a new asparagus recipe, served half as much meat as before.
I am drinking lemon and honey and taking Pepsin. Plus a handful of Super Food greens capsules and chlorophyll. Gotta try something. I stopped the Kapidex (gastric reflux) Tuesday, along with stopping estrogen. And yesterday I stopped coffee. Slight headache has now appeared. My esophagus is still raw, my voice hoarse by dinner. I have to turn this around.
I understand people wanting a double mastectomy. Then I won’t have any chance of breast cancer returning. That’s just the thought today, I need to get more information from the surgeon Wednesday.
In the waiting period of it all.
Mothers wait a lot.
