Back porch football

Just a perfect day in Winter Park. Gentle breeze, no clouds in the blue sky. Balmy temperature.  Had lovely lunch with Dad, he was in a really good mood.

I have dinner prepared, made Colman chocolate cookies by a recipe from Sun Valley restaurant I adore.

Meditated to a CD recording of Jesus at the well with the Samaritan woman. I have bought several guided meditation CDs. Two by Bernie Siegel specifically on healing. This one today was by a woman, who follows St. Ignatius meditation where she walks you through a New Testament story as if you were there. So relaxing. Helps me see passages like I never have.  This one, Jesus looks at you and forgives you. Looks at you with love, not judgment.

I want to meditate or do Centering Prayer daily. Can I commit to that, or would it be better to say twice a week and really keep that up? In my intense healing phase, daily is easy.  But what about for the long haul. That's more difficult.

Mike and I are sitting on the back porch watching football. Well, he is talking on the phone with his sister. It is a year ago today their mother died. Passages in life.  She gave life to my husband, what a gift to me. Thank you Helen.

We watched TV outside when I was growing up. Our house in Easton had a second floor porch, large with a roof over it, you were a squirrel in the trees. Dad would haul out one of the televisions from inside on a glorious fall Saturday afternoon, we would sit on the sofa on the porch and watch football. In the summer we watched the US Open, Wimbledon, golf tournaments. Only got three channels, black and white, used rabbit ear antenna back then. Those Saturday and Sunday afternoons are crystal clear joyful memories.

Now we have a weatherproof television, and since this is Florida we have to wait until it is cool enough to sit on the porch. Today was glorious. Why does it feel so much better to be outside than inside?

Okay.

You know the feeling:  you want something to hurry up and happen, but then you want to stretch the days because you don't want to go through it?

Anticipation.

That's me right now. I want Tuesday to be now, so the chemo drugs can get into me and zap these dangling cancer cells. But then I want to relax and enjoy days as I am not looking forward to feeling crappy or the potential of hurting my body.

But you only feel bad for a few days.

And the benefits of healing are long term.

And the healthy cells in my body recover well.

And this is the last one. Yes sir, the last one.

I can look forward to that.

I am grateful for the extra week before this last chemo. I still have achy joints, but they are better. My nerves in the feet are calm. The port stings, and the swelling/ infection in the left breast is still there.  Getting no better, but no worse.  Keep praying.

So I get organized, get all set up for a positive experience.

People are signed up for dinners, and to have lunch with me beforehand.

You all pray, I know.

I am breathless at how dedicated and loyal friends are. This is a long process.

God certainly works through you angels on earth.

THANK YOU.

Okay, bring it on.

I can do this.

I WANT to do this.

Let's get this last chemo done, zap whatever might need zapping, finish off this course, and continue the healing.

Continue the healing...