Hey there TEAM SARA!
Tomorrow is the LAST CHEMO.
Tuesday at 1:30 ... I am ready and waiting!
I have a "Bring it on" attitude today. Have never had this before a Chemo. Have had it since I woke up. I am ready to zap these little guys. My body is ready to be healthy now and after Chemo. I am so ready to do this!
Today I have taken the dexamethasone steroid (as usual) and therefore I am hyperactive. You get a lot accomplished today.
I am bursting to tell you all what happened today.
I woke up and saw that the incisions area is still swollen and red. Not pink but bordering on red. Oh phooey, but I am still positive that healing is happening.
I had coffee with Corey, texted with Tray and Mack, walked in the Millenia Mall with D and S, had fantastic Chinese Chicken Chopped Salad for lunch, all is well and the same as the past 5 chemos..
Went to acupuncture. After chatting I got onto the acupuncture table and OH MY GOODNESS the whole area is barely barely barely pink and you would never ever call it swollen to look at. OH MY GOSH and GOLLY. It is cool to the touch, and there is no stinging or burning feeling, which has been there for a few days. I can't see any red. I have been on strong antibiotics for twelve days. It was red and swollen this morning. AH!
My first words were to God, "Thank you Thank you Thank you. Oh, Oh Oh (which means speechless.) I am so amazed. This is unbelievable! My infection is gone, the lymph is draining. Prayer really does work!"
Then I sit there and sigh, why are we so surprised when prayer works. Is this really the best response to a answered prayer I could have? Isn't God patient with us that over and over again He whispers to us that He loves us, because we can never hear it enough. Never.
How frustrated I would be with one of my kids if I told them something such as, "Yes I will pick you up from school at 3 PM" and I do pick them up that day, and the next, and the next. And each time they get in the car, they say to me, "Mom, Thank you! I am so amazed you did what you said you would do!"
Doubt.
I asked, Can I trust God one hundred percent with my life and obviously have a kernel of doubt? Just a smidgen. I have asked God to reduce my doubt, chisel away at it. And He has and is. But this real life test showed me there is still some lingering.
I am okay with that. My trust in God is far greater than my doubting. Doubt just means you have some fear sticking around, and since God is patient, I am patient. He and I together are working on cleaning out all the fear and doubt. Yes, the cliche, I am a work in progress. He's not done with me yet!
This very concept was talked about Wednesday night, Mike and I went to our new church's class on becoming a partner. One question was, "What is faith and can you have faith but still have some doubt?"
Being the couch-potato-watching-Jeopardy type of person, I wanted to jump up and say, Let me cover this one preacher! And the question is, What is Hebrews 11:1? Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
But no, the pastor paused, read 1 Cor 13
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
He was so spot on. So very very correct. He understand what was being asked. We don't just see everything crystal clear. God allows us to see some things that clearly, and what a gift. Some things we are simply in the process of seeing clearly. Be gentle on myself Sara, you don't have to have it all perfect NOW. Jesus is patient.
The thought of doubt was also on the mediation tape by Colleen Arnold. It was the story of Peter (the disciple with enthusiasm and energy and the very best of intentions) on a boat, well, read it below from Matthew 14:
During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
Jesus was looking at me, when I doubted, with compassion and forgiveness. Ever patient with me that my doubting will reduce. And my trust in Him grow. Ever patient.
During acupuncture, I visualized healing differently. It wasn't a conscious change.
I saw one strong hand pinching and flicking (like the paper football game) and punching tiny bristly neon green bacteria cells and plump randomly shaped little red cancer cells with black nuclei. The remains of the cells (picture the feathers of crashed Angry Birds) were being washed out by clear water, pure and cool. I pictured little rivulets of my lymph system creating new pathways towards the thoracic vein and the small intestine. And I saw the hand become the hand of a potter on brown gray clay, smoothing and refreshing my heart from the inside, smoothing my digestive system, lungs, liver, kidneys, spleen, and then the hand patting gently and nurturing my spongy alive bone marrow.
Please, if I might ask you all to pray for me.
1. Thank God for the healing we've seen in the past six months, even today, and also will see soon.
2. That God inspire Dr. M and the nurses as they decide and carry out chemo tomorrow.
3. That the chemo drugs zap any lingering cancer cells anywhere, direct hits, I'm picturing "Angry Birds" mega red bird hits.
4. Thank God that the infection we have been fighting is healed and we are seeing evidence.
5. That the rest of my body stay and rebuild strong and healthy.
6. That glory be reflected to God throughout this week.
7. That my family and friends be blessed as you are so loya.
CHEMO.... BRING IT ON
THANK YOU for your prayers... each of you are awesome
