I am thinking about epiphanies. I remember hearing that word used for the first time in conversation in Mrs. Heller's eleventh grade English Class at Easton Area High School. James Joyce's Portrait of the Artist. The Artist had an epiphany. What an absolute joy it is to have a brain and to be able to think things out and understand concepts at a profound level.
I experienced one yesterday regarding trusting God.
I have been worried I am not doing enough, doing things right, etc. remember? Silly me, now this all seems so silly. How could I ever be light hearted if I am worrying so much?
I have handed my life over to God, so I simply keep my eyes on Him and He will show me how to do just what HE wants me to do. He knows far more about what is good for me than anyone does. He will lead me to the activities He wants me in, the friends He wants me to be with, the decisions that lead me down His path. Why am I worried?
An Epiphany to me in that this concept traveled from my brain into my heart, so now I will incorporate it into my life. It will be part of my Operations System. I can't say I won't slip back and grab some issues back from God (as if HE can't take care of them but I can?)... God allowed me to see another step down the path. Thank you!
It was a pleasant moment, talking with God, resting.
Then Mike shouts up the stairway," Sara, you gotta see this. There's blood all over." Well, those are the very words that will get anyone to jump out of bed and run down the stairs. Fast.
Not Sporty, but her crate.
Sporty, our eight year old basset hound, sleeps in a metal crate in our exercise room, which is right off the living room and office. She goes in there every night to sleep, it's a slow walk into the crate, but she goes in willingly. During thunderstorms we have sometimes found her in her crate during the day.
Last night she chewed her way out of her metal crate. Thin metal bars on her crate. She has slept in there happily for years. But last night something compelled her to get out. Chew the metal until it broke, then she squeezed through the five inch high hole, which was about a foot off the ground. The crate was intact except for the four bars she removed. Snapped the metal with her teeth. Jumped out. Houdini would be proud.
Sporty was pacing around this morning, seemingly not very injured, but scared. Tail between the legs. Hiding in the kitchen pantry, then coming out and pacing again. She had vivid red bruises on her abdomen, and scratches all over her face and paws. Her shoulder stitches (one month ago she had a small tumor taken out) were fine. Phew on that one. She wouldn't let me open her mouth. Looking around the exercise room at the quantity of blood on the floor, I saw an entire canine tooth all alone. Oh no...
As much as I am the alpha dog, I am not going to pry open her mouth when she growls at me on touching it.
So I gave her some chicken broth, washed off some of the blood on her coat while she drank, and she laid down on my bed with me for another hour. Once the vet's office opened, I took her in. After x-rays and ultrasounds, we found out she had lost two teeth, and had broken off two more at the gum line. Didn't look like any other damage other than bruises and muscle strains. They took out the two roots and she came home at four that afternoon. Double phew...
I know what happened. I am horrified thinking of this. I can think of no other scenario. Thursday afternoon I was napping in the living room and heard one CHEEP of a smoke detector. Only one. We looked at the smoke detectors on the half of the house where I heard it, and they all (eight of them) had green indicator lights, meaning their batteries were okay. Didn't hear it again all Thursday afternoon or evening, and we were in the living room all afternoon and into the evening.
Today after coming home from the vet, I sat in the exercise room (where Sporty's crate is) for at least a half hour looking at the blood and the crate, trying to figure out why she chewed her way out. Sporty was in the hall, looking in at me. She wouldn't come back in the room yet, but she was looking in to see what I was going to do. I heard a CHEEP from above me. Oh no, it was the smoke detector in the exercise room low on battery, the indicator light was still green, but it was CHEEPing about every thirty minutes. I know dogs hear sounds more intensely than we do, so this CHEEP every half hour or so must have scared her enough to chew to escape the crate even though she was hurting her teeth and bruising her stomach. When it CHEEPed, she jumped up and left the hall. Amazing. My heart ached for her.
When you are not feeling good physically, or you are tired or upset, handling a new uncertainty is tough. I was already still very tired from Sunday and Monday, my right arm shoulder and elbow ache, I was awake at 5 AM. And I'm getting sunburned you-know-where. Pure aloe vera is all I am allowed to put on, so I bought several small aloe plants.
When I was with Sporty Friday morning lying on my bed, trying to figure out how badly she was injured and what to do, I was shaken. How could I have let this happen? You think that when you are responsible for someone else, pets or kids. What should I do to help her? Is she going to be alright? Why is this happening, I don't want to stress out and worry, but I want to help her as best I can.
I remembered the Epiphany I was thinking about earlier that morning. God has everything under control, He knows the answers and He knows the best decisions to make. In EVERY SINGLE part of my life, including Sporty's health. Relax, lean into Him. He will make the path to follow clear to me, one step at a time. Trust that He will guide us and get Sporty healed.
I have been reading Psalm 139 mornings lately, and listen to this verse. It is David talking to God.
(I have most of the Psalm pasted into the end of this entry.)
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
The path in front of me is in darkness. I don't know the future. I can't see ahead that far.
Don't worry, because nothing is obscured in darkness to God, He sees the best path for me to follow with Sporty. He sees my own path in full daylight also. Just let Him show me.
That's why I laid down and rested with Sporty some. I wanted to calm her, and me. She seemed to not be in immediate danger, and was peaceful lapping chicken broth and then peaceful laying next to me. I wanted to pray about how to proceed, and focus again on God. I wanted Him to shine light on the path. I have learned that sometimes I need to be still and listen to Him.
Today she is doing well. Even last night she went into the room where her crate used to be at bedtime, not traumatized. Today she has had mashed potatoes mixed with her dog food, all made mushy with chicken broth and blended to be smooth. She's had a walk and naps peacefully with me. It's college football all afternoon anyway!
I was so tired last night.
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Imagine someone going through radiation with little kids at home. Or without a steadfast spouse. She doesn't have enough money this week to buy healthy food to help her body heal. Or she's working to make money, but is so tired that it's take-out every night. Loaded with sodium so your swollen ankles and arms stay swollen. Then this happens to your dog, you pay $535 to the vet because of a smoke detectors.
I am so lucky...
I am so blessed....
THANK YOU LORD!
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Psalm 139
1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
