Every day is more beautiful than the previous one.
Played Scrabble with friends, mall walked, talked, cooked, went out to dinner. My strength increased. Joints still ache, port still uncomfortable, and I am so strangely tired. When I am up and around I am feeling so good. Then I go home, lie on the sofa and my eyes close.
Sporty is better, the wound is only open slightly. I got her kid sized t-shirts and she wears two at a time, so when she scratches the stitches don't get bothered. The things we have to figure out! Don't you agree that basset hounds are unusually shaped animals.
Friday was full of friends. How I love days like that. B came to visit in the morning. She had breast cancer oh ten years ago. Now she is one of those people who, when you come in touch with them, you are surrounded by light and acceptance and curiosity about life. We talked about feeding the soul. Deliberately seeking out holy places and putting yourself in situations where your soul is nurtured. Think about that.
We all are mind, body and soul. We spend several hours daily taking care of and improving our body, which is good, eating, exercising, dressing, grooming.
We spend hours daily enriching or stimulating our mind, I would say. Reading newspapers, books, magazines, discussing politics, watching television, conversations.
How much time each day do I spend restoring and feeding my soul? Much less time spent each day on my soul than on my mind and body. Definitely.
And which of these three is going to last forever? My soul.
This begs the question, are my priorities how I want them to be? Not asked in an accusatory voice. Asked in a reflective voice.
Then to Booklunch, called the Lucky 13 (even though there are 14 of us), in our twenty-first year. So comfortable to be amongst this group. It has a personality all its own after 21 years. The book was Colum McCann's Let the Great World Spin. Hearing others' opinions on something I've read always opens up my eyes. The two main characters Corrigan and Jazzlyn reflect the Twin Towers in NYC, I never would have seen that. And they never talk about themselves, we know about them through others' stories. All tied together by the August 7, 1974 act of French funambulist Phillippe Petit. Do you know what a funambulist is? Well I didn't either a week ago. It's a fancy way of saying he's a tight rope walker.
Here's a good quote from the book:
What Corrigan wanted was a fully believable God, one you could find in the grime of the everyday. The comfort he got from the hard, cold truth – the filth, the war, the poverty – was that life could be capable of small beauties. He wasn’t interested in the glorious tales of the afterlife or the notions of a honey-soaked heaven. To him that was a dressing room for hell. Rather he consoled himself with the fact that, in the real world, when he looked closely into the darkness he might find the presence of a light, damaged and bruised, but a little light all the same.
Yes, there is light in the darkness. Every day is capable of small beauties. I need to look, intending to see them.
Had a conversation about resentment. Why do we resent someone? It is such an ugly emotion. No one wants to resent another, it just bubbles up unexpected, when you least want it to. L said maybe because we are wounded in just that area, and wish we weren't. Another L said maybe because our cup isn't full and we think theirs is. I think it has to do with both. When I feel God's unconditional love pouring down on me, I resent nothing. Notice that is FEEL, not just know. And resentment can show me clearly something I need to work on in my life.
We talked about so much, profound and light. What are we all thinking for Christmas gifts? What do we do when we are awake at night reciting our fears?
J says she keeps telling herself, Give them to God. And she does. Every time she fears, she gives it to God.
My fear that bubbles up now, did I do enough? Have I been redirected enough? Have I changed what needs to be changed, enough? B says immediately, " Don't be so hard on yourself!"
Then home to nap, and dinner with friends. Laughing and laughing and laughing. It was worth staying up!
And today, walking in the glorious sunshine. Lunch with Dad. College football on the back porch with blankets, with Mike. Does it get much better?
Radiation starts Monday. More sunshine.
