The Return of the Prodigal Son
Henri Nouwen's book on Rembrandt's painting
Instead of entering comments every day, I am going to put all my comments on this book in one entry.
Wednesday
Henri Nouwen wrote a fantastic book, based on this story and on Rembrandt's painting of this story. For some reason, I was compelled to read his book again. It just came in the mail. As I remember, he first discusses the parable from the Prodigal Son's perspective, which is the one we all relate to traditionally. The younger prodigal son received his inheritance, left and spent it all partying, realizes he would have a better life back home as a servant than he does working manual labor in a strange land, and he is accepted back with a feast and royal treatment. Inspiration that however far we go from God, we are still His child, He loves us and will welcome us back. I like that. We all like that.
Then he looks at it through the Elder Dutiful Son's eyes, and then through the Father's eyes. The Elder Son who never gave his father any grief, but worked hard and diligently and was faithful. How does he feel about his brother's reception? Angry. Resentful.
And the Father, who has probably hoped and prayed for his son's return every day, yet at the same time his heart was so sad his son would be so reckless. How does he feel once the moment of joy and celebration is over? What does he do? Its not just the moments of reaction and emotion to the son's return, its the days and months and years that follow. Its been 15 years since I read Henri's insights.
Thursday
Part I - The Prodigal Son's viewpoint
Leaving Home
You have to leave before you can return. Henri Nouwen points out that this parable isn’t just about a son asking and getting his inheritance, it’s about each and every one of us who leave the home of the place where we know we are Beloved of God, and venture out into the place where we want to be loved of the world. You know that place. Where your eyes aren’t looking to Jesus for acceptance. You are doing a task to get a compliment, or you are calling up someone because you want them to do something for you but not in this phone call, in the future.
I don’t know about you, but my past isn’t decadent. By any means. I am not bragging, I just didn’t have the energy to think of being decadent. I just didn't have time for getting into much trouble. School took a lot of hours. Tennis and the band (marching band, not a rock band. I played percussion, which means anything from the cymbals to the triangle.) In college, our Friday nights often were Scrabble and a bottle of wine or champagne with C and B. Maybe going to a dance (but Mike never dances) or drinks at the Copper Penny or Grotto. We studied pretty much every night. I never had the desire to do wacko things, my life was an adventure enough. Our friends did all those crazy things, I listened. I also was one of those who pulled full or partial all-nighters weekly because Chemical Engineers had a lot of problem sets and I was really into group work. So I was too tired to be wild. I will admit, I was not a Chemical Engineer by nature. Mike was. Mike never stayed up past 11:30 doing work in college. Yep, picture the two nerdiest people you know, and here we are (sorry Mack and Corey, I know you are cringing at this point.)
So, I never quite related to the prodigal son in Luke’s parable who went off and partied non-stop, running through his inheritance. BUT oh boy do I relate to the son who leaves the figurative “home” of both knowing and feeling you are one hundred percent loved by God. That if He had a refrigerator, my picture would be on it! I have left that ‘home’ and traveled to where I am looking for community, acceptance, friendship. Where I will say and act to gain that acceptance rather than speaking and acting in step with Jesus and out of desire to do His will. Not a place I want to be, but I go there. Is that rebellion, rebellion because part of me doesn’t want to submit to God’s authority, to let Him be in control?
Yes, I can relate to the prodigal son, and I leave my ‘home’ too often. How fantastic to return. Now, Lord, help me want to stay there.
Returning Home
I read the rest of the chapter on the Prodigal Son’s viewpoint. He has to decide the best choice is to return home, to repent, to ask forgiveness. Takes being at the bottom of the pit for some to do this. And he doesn’t even ask to be restored to full “sonship”, he says he will be a hired hand. Think of what it takes to return, to turn and ask forgiveness. It takes a complete change of heart, from “I know best” to “I messed up and God You know best.” Pride gets swallowed, and the thought of the potential for happiness and fun and fulfillment from wandering away from home is replaced by the reality that it was smoke and mirrors. It’s a sad moment for the son. And scary, as he doesn’t know if his father will take him back. How peaceful for us that we have the promise God will always take us back. He never wanted us to leave!
In Rembrandt's painting, Nouwen says the Prodigal Son looks like a baby’s head, a rebirth. I see that.
He also says he can think of the Prodigal Son as Jesus, having taken on all of our sins (he didn’t rebel), suffered and died for us, and is now back with the Father, receiving forgiveness for all of our sins.
To me, forgiving others is easy. It is easy when they ask for forgiveness, it is more difficult when they don’t ask, but I know I need to forgive anyway. I can’t always immediately, but it comes. And I truly feel unsettled until I do forgive someone. I have a much more difficult time forgiving myself. I’m working on that one.
Saturday
Part II - The Elder Son
This viewpoint is the one that inspired me to buy the book and reread it. The painting by Rembrandt uses poetic license. The elder son is out in the fields working when he hears the feast and celebration going on, so he wasn't watching when the father and prodigal son first met up. In fact, the elder son was angry and jealous that his wayward brother was getting a celebration, better than he himself had ever gotten. He had always done the right things, worked hard, tried to please his father, and he was jealous. Rembrandt puts him in the painting, that's okay by me.
He was probably tired from working so hard, being the dutiful son, and he just didn't know why his brother, who had been irresponsible, was getting such a warm welcome. Resentful.
It is such an awful feeling, jealousy, resentment, why me? It creeps into without me knowing, not often, but it creeps. On tippy toes. That little thought pops into my head - why wasn't I invited to that party, why is he getting the thank you because I did most of the project, why did I get cancer, etc... So petty and really distasteful. Most of the time, I can just catch that thought and throw it back out the window.
But there are moments when I don't have the spiritual strength, and I let it linger in my mind a little too long. It gets comfortable, sits down and decides to stay. We can't control our feelings, but we have control over our thoughts, which create our feelings. So when that jealous thought slips in, whoosh I need to send it packing. Right away.
I get this feeling (resentment) when my cup isn't filled up. When I have been short cutting my bible reading and prayer and devotional time. When I haven't been listening to God speaking. He's been speaking, I just haven't been listening.
In the painting the Elder son is the figure on the far right. Red robe, pretty stoic, body language says he's withdrawn, not wanting to be part of this reunion
So this elder brother is brewing jealousy, resentment. He's angry. I don't get the angry part, but oh well, anger isn't my strong suit. I get hurt. He refuses to celebrate. What does the Father do? Comes out to him and says Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours.
So if I am the Elder Son, and I am jealous or envious of how good He (God the Father) is to someone else who I feel is a bit undeserving, here's His response to me:
Right off, the Father came out to the Elder son. The Hound of Heaven (John Donne's words) keeps following us, He comes to meet us, He wants us to be with Him. Its not like an argument where each doesn't want to be the first to approach the other for reconciliation. God our Father has shown us with His Son Jesus that He will do whatever it takes for us to be totally in relationship with Him. So in this parable, the Father comes out to the resentful, jealous Elder Son. God has already come to me.
Oh, this is exactly what I would want to hear.... First "son", the Father reinforcing that I am His child. No if's, and's or but's. No qualifiers. Nothing I need to do to remain His son, I am His.
Secondly, "you don't understand." Sara, you are processing what is happening incorrectly. Look at this event through different eyes, the eyes of love and forgiveness. Stand next to me and in my arms and look at your brother coming home. Change your viewpoint.
Thirdly, "You're with me all the time". The Father is reminding me that He and I have a relationship that is solid. Past, present and future. It's not a pie and because my brother gets more, I get less. A relationship with God goes beyond human understanding, into the infinite. He and I are connected constantly, and I have had the joy of NOT being far away from Him.
Fourthly, "Everything that is mine is yours." In the parable, this is material possessions I am guessing. With God, He's telling me that He isn't holding back anything from me. He has strength and love and healing power and grace and mercy and joy and so much more, which He wants to share with me, He wants me to be a vessel to bring glory to Him. He wants me to be part of the plan, and it will be a wild and wonderful adventure. Everything. He will not hold back anything from me. He will abide in me and me in Him.
And lastly, "but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate." I am part of the inner circle, and here's my brother who has returned. He has returned to the family. I am loved by the Father, and so is my brother. More love makes it better.
So, HOW TO CHANGE MY OUTLOOK FROM resentment to acceptance?
Henri Nouwen has two things - Trust and Gratitude.
Trust. Trust what I said above, that the Father loves me and it is forever and unwavering. If the Father loves someone else too, it does not diminish His love for me one iota. Trust Him. More than believing in Him. Trust your entire life to Him. Trust that His love is limitless and unconditional, and is the best thing I could possibly imagine.
Gratitude. Be thankful for all, for the big and the little. For the past for the present and for the future. Be thankful for every inch of your life. I am thankful for my loving husband, loving sons and daughter-in-law, kindhearted friends and family. For technology and medicine. For getting cancer and the healing of cancer. For my home, the blessings of my day to day life. For the things that are obvious blessings, and also for the things that don't seem like it at the time, but I know and trust God will work in them for good.
I have also learned that not everything is about me. Sometimes God has me in a situation, and God is using me (in a good way- in the way I want to be used by Him) for His purpose for someone else. I am just part of the picture. Lord, just give me peace about those times!
For me these are two things to think about -
How can I increase my trust in my Father,
and
How can I increase my gratitude.
Search me oh Lord, and show me...
Sunday
Part III - The Father's viewpoint
Now looking through the eyes of the Father. Nouwen concludes that the Father is who we are all ascribing to be. Unconditional love, limitless forgiveness. The light in the painting draws you to his compassionate face, his hands bestowing blessing and his red mantle as shielding and protecting.
The Father is God our father. We as Christians are called to be as the Father is to the world.... not stay as the outwardly wayward prodigal son, or not harden as the inwardly wayward elder son. But to mature in God's grace so we might love as this Father loves his son.
Wow, I didn't see that coming. Didn't ever relate the Father in this parable to myself. But Nouwen doesn't say we are there yet, he says that is what we are called to strive for. Phew...
Something I think is awesome - the Father ran out to greet BOTH the sons. Our Lord is actively searching for each of us. Whenever we go off from being right there in the middle of our relationship with him, He reaches out for us. He uses all our experiences for good. He protects us from wandering too far that we can't turn around and start back.
And what are we starting back to? The joy, the peace, the certainty that we are part of God's household. God, who is the pinnacle of love, who is stronger than death, who wants us to be in the world, but not of the world. He wants us, comes after us, asks us to be in His kingdom now.
This is the joy that is ours in any and every circumstance we find ourselves in. I acknowledge there is darkness and sadness and hurt and suffering, but I choose to live in a world of light and joy and hope and love.
May I be used by God every day to shine His light on the joy in the world. To alleviate some of the darkness, sadness, hurt, suffering. May I choose everyday to be joyful, to keep focused on God. To be thankful. To be compassionate. To forgive easily. To love and to accept love.
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The parable of the Prodigal Son :
Luke 15:11-32 (The Message)
The Story of the Lost Son
11-12 Then he said, "There was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, 'Father, I want right now what's coming to me.'"
12-16 "So the father divided the property between them. It wasn't long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt. He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any.
17-20 "That brought him to his senses. He said, 'All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I'm going back to my father. I'll say to him, Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.' He got right up and went home to his father.
20-21 "When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: 'Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again.'
22-24 "But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, 'Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!' And they began to have a wonderful time.
25-27 "All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day's work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him, 'Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast—barbecued beef!—because he has him home safe and sound.'
28-30 "The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. The son said, 'Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!'
31-32 "His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'"
